Putting Myself Out There
The risk and rewards and how they've paid off
This article was inspired by a post I saw on instagram. I saw it, and immediately felt goose bumps. I shared it, and within 2 hours had 8 friends respond saying “I wish this was me!”
For as long as I can remember, I’ve chosen to put myself out there.
As a kid — and even as a teenager — there wasn’t much fear or anxiety around it. I was just being me. If I wanted something, I raised my hand. Sometimes I got it, sometimes I didn’t
Over time, though, the fear and anxiety got louder. But even now, I find it hard to stop myself if I want to do something. At times it even feels a little… masochistic.
I’m not sure where this comes from. I dont think I was “raised this way.”
But for as long as I can remember, I ALWAYS bet on myself. Took a funky route based on a gut feeling. Took a risk because it felt like the best choice for me.
I love the line, “Embarrassment is just the price of entry.” He’s totally right. Putting yourself out there exposes yourself to judgement. But for me, that’s always been the easiest part. The hard part are the ups and downs that come as you build.
I’m not fearless. Not even close.
I think I just choose to push through because my fear of not achieving my potential is bigger than my fear of judgment.
Believe me, people (let’s be real, mostly girls and women) have been incredibly judgmental both to my face and behind my back.
I once took a huge risk (one I didn’t even realize was a risk) and fell flat on my face.
And by “flat on my face,” I mean fired publicly, called a racist and dragged on every local Philadelphia newspaper. At the end of 2017, it was the most read news story in Philly’s tech blog. They made sure to remind us in December when they were doing the end of year listicle.
After this happened, I went to see a mentor, a prominent VC, who told me:
"Most people wouldn’t have the guts to do what you did — but most people would’ve stopped themselves before taking it that far." It’s hard to hear now - but overall the benefits will outweigh the drawbacks.”
At the time, all I wanted was to reverse the last 48 hours of my life. But looking back, it catapulted my life and my career in ways I couldn’t have imagined.
While what I did before was totally discounted by the community I lead and was fired from, the skills I gained and the network I built stuck with me. And it pushed me into new heights that only now I can say I’m incredibly grateful for.
Am I grateful it happened? Eh, it really sucked. But if I look at it in a series of risks I took and ask if I wish I hadn’t taken risks, the answer is 100%. Being a risk taker, putting myself out there, has had its ups and it’s had it’s downs. It all comes with the territory.
I went through something similar last year. Different circumstances, but the same feeling of being crushed and launched forward all at once.
Does this sound like a flex? Because even as I write this, I feel like I’m being judged.
(Sharing in real time, recognizing it feels uncomfortable and that AT LEAST 1 of you will be judging me, and continuing to type anyway.)
But what I know for sure is this: the voice in my head still judges me harder than anyone else does. And while I have no ability to control what other people think and feel, I can work on myself. I used to try to silence it, but now we’ve become friends. I talk to her instead. And I must say, she’s grown up a lot this year!
How to Cross the Chasm
If you’re standing on the edge of putting yourself out there — here are some thoughts and tools that help me:
1️⃣ Those who’ve been there won’t judge you.
"Those who’ve achieved the goals you’re working toward will NEVER judge you for trying."
Judgment is usually envy. And the people judging you probably wish they had the strength you have. Shrink them in your mind. Instead, focus on the people you admire, they’re who you want to be like anyway.
2️⃣ Do it, scared.
Don’t wait to stop being scared before you act because that moment might never come. Fear usually dissipates after you’ve done the thing. Post the post. Send the text. Offer the deal. Do it with your eyes closed if you have to. Or with a friend holding you accountable.
You can simply say “UGH THIS IS SCARY!!!!!” recognize it, and move on. Scary doesnt mean impossible. Scary doesn’t mean not worth it. It just means… it’s scary.
3️⃣ Ask yourself:
What’s the impact of doing this? And what’s the cost of not doing it?
Seeing those two outcomes may motivate you.
4️⃣ Future-you meditation.
I picture myself years from now telling Noa — or a close friend — how we took that big risk, how proud she felt, and all the lessons we learned along the way. It helps me feel the pride now.
5️⃣ Redefine rejection.
I don’t handle rejection well — especially when I’m selling something that feels like me.
But I try to separate someone rejecting me from rejecting the offering.
And I remind myself: the right people will find you, and the wrong ones will fall away, sometimes that looks like rejection.
An investor who passed on your round? A member who didn’t join my community? Not a match.
Each “no” is just a data point. What didn’t work? What can you learn?
6️⃣ Focus on the fan mail.
We’re wired to fixate on criticism, so you have to actively rewire. I always roll my eyes when I hear celebrities say '“If i can inspire just one person, it’s worth it.” But it’s true.
Screenshot every kind word. Save the thank-you notes, the messages from people you’ve helped, the applause after your talk. Revisit them often. Let them fuel you more than the critics ever could.
I hope you connected with a nugget or two in here.
And if you want to chat through it, I’m here (really).
This is beautiful and empowering, thank you for writing this 🫶🏻